MouthLondon - London Student & Youth Magazine

Lifestyle: Talking Bollocks

Posted on Jan 18th, 2012 by Richard Essery · No comments yet · Tags: Lifestyle, Penis, Relationships, Sex

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Whether it’s taking it out to show to our friends, swinging it around like some kind of meat propeller or pulling our balls out of the sides of our boxers, so they resemble a rather unpleasant pair of hairy coconuts, us men have always been fascinated by our genitals and we always will be.

More often than not though, our fascination lies with its size. The phrase “It’s not the size that counts, it’s what you do with it” could only have been coined by a woman because no man would have come up with such a weak defence and, besides, as you know, all men have MASSIVE knobs anyway.

 …we rarely ever get to see what other men’s look like.

I won’t lie to you, having a cock can be really good fun, but our fascination with all things phallic has a darker side too, and I’m not just talking about the perineal raphe.

Thinking about our meat and two veg may take up a lot of our time, but that’s probably because, other than fleeting glimpses, we rarely ever get to see what other men’s look like. In fact, for lots of men, the first time they will see another man’s penis in any detail is while watching porn; but it‘s not just the acting in porn movies that’s larger than life, the pricks are too.

…it’s not just the women who are shaved, men’s knackers often are too…

Porn might be good for lots of things, but body image is not one of them. And, just as designer vaginas, over-sized tit jobs and cheap-looking nail extensions are not accurate representations of most women, the size of Ron Jeremy’s huge schlong is not representative of most men either (and, thankfully, neither is his taste in clothes or facial hair).

In adult films and magazines it’s not just the women who are shaved, men’s knackers often are too (although for different reasons: not many women brag about the size of their vagina), and they are usually free from the blemishes that affect us normal people. But being normal is something that more and more young people are contacting helplines, like Ask Brook, about.

…11.4 cm to 17.8 cm when erect…

Although most penis-related concerns are easily answered, that doesn’t mean that men don’t get genuinely scared when they notice something they think is different; but the truth is, there is no such thing as a normal penis, they come in all different shapes and sizes.

While the average adult length is usually somewhere between 6 to 10 cm when soft, and 11.4 cm to 17.8 cm when erect, lots of men will fall outside of these sizes (but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are crap in bed). 

…it’s very common to have harmless spots or lumps and bumps on them too.

It’s very common for it to be slightly darker in tone than the rest of your body (especially the line on the underside), and roughly one in 100 men have a penis that bends to the left or the right when it is erect. This needn’t hold you back though: if Bill Clinton can become President of the United States with a bent wanger, then so can you (subject to fitting all the other criteria; of which, sadly, knob shape is not one).

All penises shrivel up like a pensioner sucking on a lemon when they are soft (especially if they are cold), and it’s very common to have harmless spots or lumps and bumps on them too. This last point is something that troubles a lot of young men, especially during puberty, and if these things were openly discussed in more detail during sex education, it would save a lot of men an awful lot of worry.

If you’ve picked something up they can treat it.

If you think there is something wrong with your penis, see a doctor or nurse. If you’ve picked something up they can treat it. If it‘s normal you can go back to playing with it, safe in the knowledge that you are just the same as everyone else. Apart from Ron Jeremy, obviously.