is an aspiring screenwriter. He has little in the way of actual achievements but has become known for being stubbornly opinionated, which has inevitably lead him to film criticism (If you can’t make you own, tell other people theirs sucks). Living in an underground cave, he survives on a strict diet of coffee and cigarettes. He does not approve of the sun or its effect on the skin (who needs vitamin D anyway?) and finds people who say “bless you” after he sneezes unreasonably annoying.