Well it’s all going down in Corrie these days isn’t it! I only know this because every time I log into Facebook, my entire news feed is full of posts regarding the one and only Tyrone.

I have no idea who this heartthrob is but half of the posts I read are speculations that he will sail off into the sunset with his Juliet, Fizz, even though he is set to marry another angry woman. The other half tend to post their feelings regarding the situation and some of them tend to be quite aggressive and crude.

My mother is quite fanatical about her soaps; however I’m thankful I don’t have to endure regular updates about goings-on in the Dales or Eastenders’ Kirsty’s abusive relationships. Newcomer Jasmyn Banks who plays Alice Branning has recently declared in the Metro that she would love to do another live episode of the show. My thoughts are quite parallel to hers but for much different reasons. She is excited by the challenge as she has described it as doing a theatre production but with a much bigger audience. I on the other hand would be excited by the prospect of the whole thing potentially going tits up.  Nothing would satisfy me more than seeing gobby Stacey Slater make a return to Albert Square only to forget her lines – imagine the embarrassment. Would the show lose ratings because its cast are incompetent? Would even one drink be on the house that night down at the Vic? I doubt it very much.

…it was like discovering Santa Claus wasn’t real…

I was speaking to a friend a few years ago and he had a very interesting point. We’re both young men, however he has still not quite let go of a certain part of his adolescence, the part that loves wrestling. By the time we got to fourteen or fifteen, it was like discovering Santa Claus wasn’t real all over again when you found out ‘the Rock’ was nothing more than an actor. You felt that little bit older and more manly and ready to take on life’s next disappointment. However my friend seemed persistent to follow his athletic fakers and shared that special time with the television set every Friday night. At this time of my life I was still stuck in chav mode and spent my Friday nights out in nightclubs getting drunk and attempting to pull women. 

The idea of watching fake wrestling now seemed pretty childish to me as I had moved from drinking WKDs to pints of beer. However when I interrogated my friend about this, he explained that wrestling had all the benefits of a soap so he was still completely entertained. There were storylines, love affairs and love triangles, temporary alliances and enemies, revenge plots and gorgeous women. He continued to enlighten me, stating that on top of all this, there was a constant adrenaline flow as it was wrestling after all and most of the storylines inevitably unfolded in the ring.  While this observation did initially amuse me, it wasn’t enough to pull me back into this fantasy world, however I do work out on a regular basis now.

…Serial killers drink in the same bar as the secretaries…

My own thoughts on soaps are a little more obscure. If Coronation Street was a real place, I’m fairly sure it would be regarded as a ghetto as people tend to die of unnatural causes all the time. Serial killers drink in the same bar as the secretaries… and they chat to each other. I’m also convinced Gail Platt and every other member of the cast would be alcoholics by now with the amount of time and money they have spent in their local. 

About The Author

I was born in the town of Blackburn and have lived in Salford and Spain. Music is my biggest passion in life; I am a DJ and a learning percussionist and have written songs since my teens. I am also trying to establish myself as a writer as its something I've enjoyed since childhood.

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