You’re damn right I’m excited about the Royal Wedding. And I don’t believe those who say they won’t be watching it, we all know they will for the following reasons:

Firstly, and perhaps negatively, it will be inescapable: switch on the box and there it will be. Even if you are playing foxybingo in another room, chances are someone in your house will have the television on. Chances are also high that everyone will have something to comment on, be it the dresses or the cars, the ceremony or the Queen. So really, you might as well just join in. Nicholas Witchell will be there, with the expression of a man who has just been given a full body wax by a close relative. Eamonn Holmes will have things covered over on Sky and ITV will have given Phillip Schofield a new coat of paint just for the occasion.

They will say the Royals are just tourist attractions – hardly a reason to get rid of them.

Secondly, even those who deem the Royals to be irrelevant relics of a bygone age will find themselves tuning in just to have something to moan about – a trait just as peculiar to Britain as our idiosyncratic monarchy. They will say the Royals are just tourist attractions – hardly a reason to get rid of them. I don’t see anyone trying to take down Chessington World of Adventures.

They will say that they are a drain on resources. This has slightly more validity, but it ought to be mentioned that in the last financial year the Royal family cost each taxpayer a mere 62p. That used to be a bag of Wheat Crunchies and goodness knows as a country we eat a hell of a lot of those; and the Queen volunteered to pay tax from the early 90s.

…wipe that grimace off your face, pop on your dancing shoes and boogie on down to the Mall.

Plus, the Royal Family are landlords, charity workers and are indirectly responsible for a hell of a lot of column inches. I am not suggesting that if we imagined the current world without a monarchy we would find cause to establish one (I could neither espouse nor win such an argument), but I am saying that they are here now and really they’re not as bad as all that. At best, they are part of our history and culture, so wipe that grimace off your face, pop on your dancing shoes and boogie on down to the Mall.

…naked, astride a lion rampant, with a “Wills & Kate” mug in one hand…

Perhaps I’m biased. I do love a wedding. The last one I attended was an Anglo-Indian semi-military civil ceremony and it’s fair to say that a good time was had by all. There was a simply splendid Conga for one thing. Such occasions bring families together. It’s perhaps a shame that this one probably won’t, it seems highly unlikely that we might find ourselves momentarily united as a nation.

Whatever happens, I shan’t let the naysayers sully my experience of the event. I shall enjoy the forthcoming nuptials as planned – naked, astride a lion rampant, with a “Wills & Kate” mug in one hand and the remote in the other.

 

About The Author

Oliver is a philosophy graduate, writer and mediocre violinist. He currently works for BAFTA.

One Response

  1. Svett

    And yes, there were a looot of dresses and hats and shoes and what-not cool glamorous stuff that is so Disney and Dubai. x)

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