If you were to do an A to Z of popular television programmes, it’s not a stretch to imagine what the letter X would stand for. To me it stands for a one hit wonder sieved through thousands of talentless imbeciles, and judges who probably couldn’t explain the roots of modern music very convincingly.
However this telly ‘phenomenon’ is beginning to influence parts of the higher education system. A college in County Durham are this year starting a course which will train its students to be more successful during X-Factor auditions. For a mere 95 pounds, Bishop Auckland College will be hosting a 17-week course during which students will learn to sing (or sing better) and present themselves more confidently in front of the judges.
I hope all the students in County Durham are attractive though, because everyone who wins X-Factor is usually quite good-looking. This is quite strange however, as unattractive contestants with great voices do exist. Oh yes I forgot, this is the realm of the celebrity, a place of beauty and luxury, no points for second place are there. This was supposed to be a show about music and last time I checked, music was absorbed through the ears. Nevertheless the judges on this show seem to be more concerned about their visual integrities being tarnished, for if they cannot pick a babe anymore, they might find themselves applying for a position on HMV’s waiting list!
…these students will only ever sing again on a karaoke down at their local…
I studied media production while I was in college and aside from learning about film theory and the ins and outs of how to use a camera, I picked up on other things as well. I learned how to research effectively, communicate properly and how to manage my time more efficiently. Life skills like these are obviously quite useful when mingling with society; however the main reason behind going to college is to achieve some kind of qualification.
Suppose you go and get your X-Factor masters and then you fail during the auditions, what then? What else will a Louis Walsh-endorsed qualification be good for? Is he going to offer you a job himself because you have a sob story backed up with newly learnt social skills? Probably not, I’d say it’s fairly inevitable that ninety percent of these students will only ever sing again on a karaoke down at their local. The remaining few will develop some kind of obnoxious persistence, quit their day jobs and try to find their own way into the music industry.
…‘Another One Bites The Dust!’…
Lastly there will be that one special case that will record their own cover of ‘The Show Must Go On’ and drop it on the internet before strapping themselves to an electric pylon after having a bath! Only then will mainstream recognition be achieved by someone with an X-Factor preparation certificate, accompanied with the headline ‘Another One Bites The Dust!’