You wouldn’t think so judging by the torrential weather we’ve been having lately, but summer is fast approaching, which means, ladies (and gentlemen, if you’re into that sort of thing), it’s time to start working on your bikini bod. However, if you’re like me, the idea of eating two bowls of cereal a day and a light salad to stop you from fainting at dinnertime is hardly a thrilling or inspirational prospect.

If you can’t face slogging it out on a treadmill surrounded by Size 4 gym bunnies that barely seem to break a sweat, or if the word sit up makes you want to shout “Shut up!” then why not take a look at these alternative weight loss methods? They’ll have you toned and ready for the beach in no time!


The crisp packet technique

Open a packet of your favourite crisps. DO NOT EAT THEM. Instead, feed them to someone else who doesn’t much care for a bikini bod… Maybe your brother/Dad, or maybe your dog. Keep the empty packet with you, and whenever you’re craving a nibble, smell the insides of the crisp packet. I tried this one out with smoky bacon flavoured crisps and I swear the meaty smell of that packet was just like eating the real thing.


Add variety to your diet

So, you’ve decided that dieting is the way forward, but you’ve hit a wall due to the fact that your bog standard food fad lacks variety. It’s understandable. To spice things up, why not try making a meal timetable, to ensure you’re eating a different diet dinner every day of the week. Dedicate Mondays to iceberg lettuce, Tuesdays to a rocket salad, Wednesdays to spinach, and so on and so forth. If you’re feeling creative, why not make a spinner labelled with different salad leaves and other vegetable items, giving your dinner a wheel-of-fortune element of surprise.


Change your crockery

FACT: the path to a bikini bod is 76.2% psychology. If you’re worried that your plate is always full of food, change the size of your plates. Swap dinner plates for side plates, and side plates for saucers. This way, you can trick yourself into thinking you’re eating more than you actually are. Genius!

Google “world’s fattest person”

This one works wonders. Have you seen the size of that guy’s thighs? Can you even count the number of chins that woman has? Do you suppose these people will be rocking a bikini this summer?! Every time you’re tempted to cram your face with sweet treats or fatty foods, just take a look at these guys. It’s enough to put you off eating for the next hour.


I once had a friend who, in the build-up to summer, changed their mobile phone background to some model, in order to remind themselves that this is what they wanted to look like in their bikini. Instead, why not change your background to the world’s fattest man/woman, to remind yourself what you don’t want to look like. This should instil an element of self-control in your mealtimes, and help you to monitor your calorific intake.

Think outside the box

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, right? WRONG. Lemonade is actually very calorific, and heavy on the sugar levels. However, if you really are struggling to achieve a bikini bod then the answer is simple: don’t wear a bikini. There are literally thousands of gorgeous swimming costumes with all sorts of crazy devices like suction Lycra and in-built corsets. Who needs bikinis when you can squeeze yourself into one of these badboys and still look a million bucks? And if all else fails, do a Nigella and don an attractive poolside burkini!

Images courtesy of Lukáš Patkaň, Michal Zacharzewski and Robson Oliveira


About The Author

Currently studying English at UCL; interested in literary, music and fashion journalism.

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