Pornography has been around for hundreds, if not thousands, of years; it has been the ruin of many a relationship, but I would hazard a guess it has also saved a fair few, too. For lots of people, it can be a real shock to find out their partner has been wanking themselves into a stupor when they thought they were hard at work in the spare room, but plenty of upstanding citizens enjoy a dirty movie, and many people accept porn as a normal part of their lives.

Excessive solo viewing of anything can lead to problems in a relationship, but if a partner can only get their kicks from 12 inch dicks, then there are already issues. The fact is that everyone has their little peccadilloes or kinks, even though they may have yet to find out what they are. But, if they are only discovered once you’ve settled down, and your partner doesn’t share the same voyeuristic viewing vices, it may leave a bad taste in your mouth. Literally.

…people who don’t get what they want in bed are much more likely to go looking for it elsewhere.

Sex is only one part of a relationship, but how much you like it, how you like it, and how often you want it is actually very important. So can porn be of help?

A relationship that’s based solely on sex is unlikely to last, whereas plenty of sexually unfulfilling ones will. If you love someone you probably aren’t going to walk out on them just because they lie there like a sack of potatoes, but people who don’t get what they want in bed are much more likely to go looking for it elsewhere.

…you should feel very ashamed and hand yourself in at the nearest police station.

In this situation pornography can often be of benefit to a relationship; if you desire something your partner doesn’t, then why not get your gratification online? It’s free and it’s not going to give you the clap. Some people may feel their partner looking at porn is cheating, but it really isn’t. Anyone that says they only ever think of their beloved while they’re bashing one out in the bathroom is a liar. Porn is no different; it just takes less imagination. 

As with any medium, there is pretty much something for everyone but, even so, there will always be those who object (often for good reason): some object to the objectification of women, some object to the objectionable behaviour shown towards the objectified women, and some just object full stop, but that’s their choice. If your partner objects to porn full stop, and you are a frequent secret viewer this could signify trouble ahead, so that is your choice. If you enjoy watching porn, there is no reason to feel ashamed (unless it is illegal or non-consensual, in which case you should feel very ashamed and hand yourself in at the nearest police station).

…you might find you have similar tastes…

The trouble is we don’t always know what gets us going until we’ve seen it, so why wait until your relationship is in crisis before logging on to find out what pops your cork? Talking about sex can be really difficult, especially if you both sense that something is missing in the sack, but watching some porn together and letting each other choose what you’re going to watch (and not deriding their choices) will help you find out what you both like and what makes you tick.

If you are lucky you might find you have similar tastes (or at the least a bearable shareable interest). Then again, if your partner wants to watch dwarves being fisted then you may have a problem (unless you are very small and don’t mind being carried around like Sooty), but at least you’ll know you aren’t suited before it’s too late.

 

About The Author

I am a final year Journalism & Media student at Birkbeck. I write on a wide range of subjects, but my main areas of interest are sex and relationships, and sexual/mental health. I also work part-time in sexual health, and answer questions from young people on the website of Bliss Magazine.

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