These are a great food to eat when you cannot leave the house because you have managed to offend the drug dealers that live opposite you…

(Disclaimer: Yes, I am aware that this is a terrible and rather inaccurate judgement… I’d probably just be stabbed)

I wish this entry was just an embellishment of fact made up for a magazine, but it’s not. It is, unfortunately, just my life. Perhaps I should explain. When walking home the other day, I crossed the road to get to my flat (don’t worry this isn’t some dad joke). Now, as I was doing this, two men came out of the house on the other side of the street. This house has a bit of a reputation for being a full blown drugs operation unit. Anyhow, on seeing me cross the road, the two men stopped and shouted, “Why did you cross the road expletive expletive? Is it coz we’re too chocolate for you?”

Really? You are aware we’re not in a Shaggy video?

Now, I really have no explanation for why I reacted in the way that I did. Perhaps it was because I didn’t approve of being called a racist, perhaps it was because the gorgeous guy who’s always on my bus smiled at me so my brain was on holiday, or perhaps it was because I was having a moment of psychosis. It doesn’t matter. So, while they continued to hurl abuse at me I stopped, turned around, and shouted back in my charming I-went-to-elocution-classes-and-boarding-school voice,

“No! I just live on THIS side of the road, and chocolate? Really? You are aware we’re not in a Shaggy video?” At this point my memory gets a bit hazy, but I have vague recollections of running towards my flat having abuse and God knows what else thrown at me.

So now, two days later, I am currently under house arrest in my flat staring at my empty cupboards trying to find something to eat.

Two mouldy potatoes, some eggs, an obligatory can of baked beans (I don’t particularly like them but my dad thought it would be hilarous to send me off to uni with about a hundred cans) and some frozen bacon. The answer is clear: brenner! However, with a little twist. Fried egg and bacon is of course mandatory, but how about potato latkes to spice things up?

Ooh, I have just found an old Bournville bar. Would it be totally inappropriate if I ate that?

Recipes: Potato Latkes

Rating: 41

Savoury Latkes: • For breakfast serve with baked beans and cheese. • For lunch place on a bed of salad and drizzle with sweet chilli sauce. • For an indulgent treat serve with maple syrup and bacon.

Sweet Latkes: • Sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar, or serve with stewed apples (dice apples, put in a pan, cover with water, add a few teaspoons of sugar, and cook until soft).


  • . 2 large potatoes, washed and peeled
  • . A pinch of salt and a generous amount pepper (a couple teaspoons of sugar if making the sweet ones)
  • . Oil for frying
  • . 2 Eggs


  1. Grate the potatoes coarsely.
  2. Drain them in a colander to get rid of excess liquid
  3. Then put them on a clean tea-towel and squeeze out any remaining liquid.
  4. Beat the eggs with the salt and mix in with the potatoes.
  5. Heat about 1/2 inch of oil in a large frying pan until it’s very hot.
  6. Drop a ball of the mixture into the pan and cook for about 3 minutes on each side.
  7. Place on kitchen roll to drain the excess oil.


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One Response

  1. Hattie

    These look delicious, and they’re so easy to make! I definitely know what I’ll be making the next time I’m stalked by angry drug dealers…or just hungry.



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