Disclaimer: This is not really a travel article.

The opinions in this piece were derived mainly from drunken conversations with Athenians, aggressive games of shit-head and staring at lakes. No archaeologist, scientist or philosopher in their right mind would come to these conclusions.

On arrival in Crete an overworked and flappy hotel attendant called Manuel meets us, takes our bags and pops us into a car. We drive for ten minutes into the mountains. We ask where the swimming pool is. He takes us back to the hotel where we then wait for 6 ½ hours in the ‘all inclusive restaurant’ drinking the special ‘Greek cocktails’: these consist of local spirit Ouzo, blackcurrant cordial and Fanta lemon. Long story short, I lost my shit at Basil the manager and minutes later was presented with a room not in the mountains, but sharing with two Danish girls. Luckily they were as much up for a drink as we were and after making friends with some off duty hotel staff the night ended sufficiently with everyone jumping into the pool.

…they were scared of the ‘machines in the sky and the great white light’…

The history of the Greek island, Crete, can be traced back to 3000 BC with the ancient race called the Minoans of King Minus who built the famous Labyrinth. The Minoans were later destroyed by a tsunami but this is just speculation due to the damage received. Many civilizations around the world during this time were not geographically able to be hit by the same wave but were also destroyed, and I read something about one village in India having remains that were somehow instantly destroyed and highly radioactive, and as it was written on stone that they were scared of the ‘machines in the sky and the great white light’, so I have come to the informed decision that the entire world was attacked by aliens at this time (except for the Egyptians who were aliens). They promised to take us to the museum where most of the original artifacts are kept, but as much as our tour guide continued to talk about it, we never ended up going there.

Outside the site of Knossos was a sign in Greek and English saying ‘Crisis! Fight the pay cuts for culture and preservation. Preserving our heritage is important!’. The recession here is nothing when you actually see the devastation in Greece. Talking to our new friends at the hotel, King Arthur and Meg from Hercules (by site and disposition), they all come from Athens for the summer to work, but there is no work for any of them for the rest of the year. Apparently if you don’t know the right people in Greece at the moment it doesn’t matter if you have a phD and speak 15 languages, there’s no work.

I’ll leave you with one thought (courtesy of Meg): A concert of American opera singers performing in Greece, in some unknown form of ‘Ancient Greek’ was paid by NASA to be projected on Mars. WHY?

About The Author

Writer, actor and theatre practitioner, aspiring blues guitar player. Fan of Harry Potter and Shakespeare.

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